Tim Patch and his magnificently artistic penis

We find out about Tim's unique talent, and 

his artistic alter-ego "Pricasso"

When did you realise that your dick had so much talent?

I thought of the idea after watching Puppetry of the Penis. The idea materialised in my mind and I googled 'penis painting', 'painting with a penis' and 'creating art with a penis', and found nothing. Seeing an opening, I couldn’t wait to get my penis out. So, one night holding my penis in one hand and the canvas in the other, I dipped the head of my penis into paint I had previously squeezed out onto dinner plates and started painting a simple beach scene. It was a very basic painting but, I could see the potential, and visualised that it might be possible to make a living from my dick! The only problem was I had to overcome the arousal factor which happened after about 15 seconds of starting to paint. To overcome this I just had to go through the motions in the usual way and then I had about half an hour to paint soft before it all starts over again, but you do get very comfortable after a while and it happens less and less.

Are you as good on a canvas as you are in bed?

Sex on a big canvas now there’s a challenge, I’ll try it and let you know...Actually I don’t think the art community takes me seriously, I’m bit of a joke, and it’s the same with the opposite sex, I have been married twice, to beautiful ladies but not successfully - maybe I should try the same sex, I do relate to guys more but I am too busy to find out.

Is being able to paint with your penis a turn on for women?

I don’t think so, they mostly think it’s funny and love to watch and take photos. Some volunteer to wash it and get me turned on in front of their friends or partners but that’s usually all they want to do.

Events hire you to perform your talent in front of a live audience and I see that Sexpos seem to be popular. Are there any stories that you’d like to share with our readers?

At one Sexpo, a guy and his family came up to me and he wanted his youngest daughter to be painted, it was her 18th birthday. She looked about 15 and didn’t have a clue as to how I painted, he sat her down and I stood in front of her and quickly took off my clothes, she ran out so quickly and her Dad and family were laughing so much, she did come back later and bravely got painted.

Painting at a show in Mexico City always stands out, it was a 6 day show and they gave me my own stage and a DJ speaker (as I don’t speak Spanish), I had thousands of people watching nearly all the time it was amazing.

So, how do you prepare yourself to paint?

It's always a bit scary getting naked in front of 20 young girls all focusing on your penis. I usually like to fluff it up a bit but not too much if I can get to a toilet beforehand, but usually I just wiggle it around a bit and then grab it, guys always feel safer holding it.

Do you work better hard or soft?

Soft is much easier as it is more squashable, stretchable and bendable. People order portraits to embarrass their friends and want to see a lot of erections, especially when painting their teeth and I do charge more for a full on 'happy ending'; getting my DNA splattering all over the portrait.

Do you paint when it’s cold?

I don’t like to and at Sexpo I have a heater at penis height blowing on me. One time I did a hippy party outside in Northern NSW, Australia, it went on 'til 2am, I was next to a fire as the temperature was about 7 degrees C, they kept bringing buckets of hot water and sponging me down in the most erotic way, so I stayed a bit longer - it wasn't so bad.

What’s gonna happen when your dick stops working? i.e Do you have a retirement plan? 

I was a builder before I started painting so I have combined the two and have been sculpting my house inspired by Gaudie, the Spanish architect, which I have been working on for 15 years and eventually will open it as my gallery and vineyard.

What do you do in your spare time?

I don't have much spare time but do like to see my three kids. They usually need a hand doing something, my two sons especially as they still live on the same property although not in my house. They’re not really into nudity. 

When are you next in London? I’d love to have my picture painted.

Yep sure, I am sure I’ll be back next year. Do you want an erection painting with a happy ending !!! Can’t wait !