In a month where our Saints & Scumbags feature could centre around the appalling attacks in Manchester and London and the farcical General Election we're going to keep things light-hearted and a little bit silly...
Group of Brits who took a complete stranger to Majorca after their mate with the same name dropped out
Joe McGrath was due to fly to Majorca with 9 mates for a 30th birthday but had to pull out at the last minute – step-up…well, Joe McGrath.
Motaparthi Vamshi Krishna – a married man who faked a terror plot in order to avoid going on holiday with his online girlfriend
So, not only is Krishna married with one child and having an affair but his balls are so teeny tiny, that after his girlfriend suggested a holiday to Mumbai and Goa, instead of just saying ‘No’, this crazy bastard created a fake airline ticket, emailed said fake airline ticket to his girlfriend, then contacted Mumbai Police, pretending to be a woman who had overheard a conversation between 6 men plotting an airplane hijack, hoping he could then explain that the flight, and thus the holiday was cancelled due to no fault of his and his girlfriend wouldn’t be pissed off with him. Well Mr Krishna, your bit on the side may not have been pissed off but it’s pretty certain that the Mumbai Police were – after tracing the IP address of the computer, the cops tracked him down and arrested him – he could face 5 years in prison and I would imagine his wife isn’t too pleased with him either! Dickhead!
Ian Toothill – conquers Everest with just months to live raising £31,500 for Macmillan
British Airways – monumental cock up as ‘uninterruptible power supply was interrupted’ and IT systems go down across the world
Last month it was UA, this month it’s BA. The shit hit the fan on 27th May when the BA computer system went down – from the website to baggage carousels everything fucked up leaving thousands of BA passengers stranded here and abroad. It seems the outage was due to: ‘uninterruptible power supply was interrupted’ at BA’s Boadicea House data centre taking the back-up system with it. Huge queues quickly formed with access to Heathrow’s T5 temporarily stopped due to overcrowding. All departures were cancelled from Heathrow and Gatwick and arrivals were scaled back. BA ground staff were left woefully uninformed and all they could do was to hand out compensation forms while management were nowhere to be seen.
Rolf Buchholz – has 278 piercings on his cock alone
Hats off to you Rolf – 278 piercings on your cock is pretty damn impressive – that makes up over half his total piercings at 453, plus tattoos plus horns implanted into his head! But the metal has no effect on his sex life – as Buchholz says – “I have had the piercings already so long, if there was a problem, I would have got rid of them already long ago.” Very true – airport security is not quite so forgiving however – Buchholz was refused entry to UAE as they believed he practiced Black Magic due to his appearance – God knows what they would have made of his metal enhanced cock!
Federico Allende – South American football player who used a needle to nobble opposing players
The Sport Pacifico defender admitted the decidedly un-sportsman-like behaviour in an interview on Vorterix Radio following a game with top-division club Estudiantes. “...you need to play dirty" to beat big clubs like Estudiantes de La Plata. "I kept piercing the Estudiantes strikers with a needle,". Allende hid 2 needles in his shin pads – one broke but the other was used to ‘poke’ striker Juan Otero several times. Sport Pacifico went on to win the match 3-2 causing a major upset. Hector Moncada, the club’s president has promised to expel Allende from the team. Quite right too.